1. I had a sex dream with Robert DeNiro and I was extremely turned on in it. My old man thirst is real. I never even thought he was hot. Weird.

     

  2. sassy-gay-justice:

    "You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel"

    God DAMN thats some Shakespearean shit right there

    (Source: iraffiruse, via adrirodz)

     

  3. jocastas-bible:

    white girls are out of control these days 

    Girls like this, and women who still looooooove Chris Brown and wanna suck Cee-Lo’s dick are a HUGE reason why we still need feminism. These women are not on my team. Gross. 

    (Source: lilycolons, via fullten)

     


  4. Effffff That

    Yesterday, I posted this picture on Instagram. And one of my followers said something along the lines of “you should work on your core more.” 

    I’ve also had numerous people, including friends, basically say “you workout all the time. Why don’t you have a six pack?” 

    First of all, nigga, I have ALMOST a six pack. It’s not like I’m devoid of a any packs. AND, if you really want an explanation, the very first place extra weight likes to go to on my body is my torso region..boobs and belly. Some people carry weight on their ass and legs… Mine goes to my belly. 

    Second, after all the research I’ve done and the information I collected via all fitness thingies I follow, I know what it takes to have a six pack. And if you REALLY knew about fitness, you’d know to have a six pack ALL THE TIME (assuming you aren’t an extreme ectomorph who just naturally has lean muscle, assholes), you have to eat fish and celery sticks and steamed broccoli and egg whites 7 days a week and you can’t drink alcohol…on TOP of working out 5-6 days a week. FUCKKKKKKK that shit. I love life too much to not eat pizza often and drink wine every day. 

    More info… I eat at LEAST 2000 calories a day. This does not include the at least 400 calories I drink in red wine. Plus I like to have 3 or more cheat meals a week. Granted I eat healthy 85% of the time, which is why I don’t have more of a pooch (moderation foos), but I like eating healthy…but I also love pizza and potato chips…and  bread. And I won’t not eat those delicious things just so I can have more of a six pack. 

    I will admit, a completely flab-less stomach is what I desired in the past. 

    Something like that I guess… but after finding out I’d have to omit some of my greatest pleasures in life to look like that (given my body type), I was like “Fuckkkkkkk that shit… I’ll settle for an almost six-pack.” 

    So fuck you to all the people who ask me where my six-pack is. You know where it is? I shitted it out with all the fun I had last night. Plus, I guarantee my stomach is flatter than 99% of American women my age… so that is another ‘fuck you’ to all you idiotas. 

    I think my body and its ‘not a six-pack’ looks amazing. Ew.. I just realize how broke my face looks there… Oh well. 

    Bye! Time to go get ready for a housewarming bbq whose host is anxious of me being there cuz he heard “how I get while drunk” and thinks I’m going to make racist, sexual and gross comments. WTF…sexual and gross comments, yes… racist no…unless it’s against white people..but that doesn’t count. 

    P.S. I just re-read it and realize how angry I sound. I’m really not that angry. But it is irksome when people who know nothing about fitness want to chime in on critiquing other peoples bodies. Worry about your own flabby belly, biatches. 

     

  5. Today this 4yo girl gasps when she saw my legs and exclaims, “Ms. Ira! You have polka dots!” damn bjj ppl and their strong grips. PS… Jiggle Jiggle.

     

  6. himitsubasa:

    copperkiwi:

    ninjaeyecandy:

    4gifs:

    Bully messes with karate champ. [video]

    The source video is very, very worth watching. A few things to point out:

    The young woman in the dark coat is continually trying to escape from the man. She has spoken to him, she’s pulled away, she’s even tried to walk away before he dragged her back. She hit him as a last resort but it didn’t do anything, he just got more aggressive.

    The girl in the white jacket was walking by, recognized that a bad situation was happening, stopped, and intervened. At 0:28 she calls the man out, and continues to call him out until he breaks off attacking the young woman in the dark coat and turns his aggression on her. At which point she defends herself—and then she escorts the young woman in the dark coat safely away.

    This is a hero.

    Bringing this back.

    GIRL POWER

    Not to be a dick, but that kick does not look all that powerful. 

    (Source: 4gifs, via leeroyjenkz88)

     


  7. Poll: Yes or No

    I might be speaking too soon but he (the 22yo virgin boy from last weekend) ended up contacting me this weekend, which leads me to believe he is still interested in me de-virginizing him. 

    At first, I was all gung-ho about it because he’s the perfect candidate for fulfilling my fantasy of devirginizing a young boy (yes, I realize how creepy this sounds… No fucks given)…but after REALLLLLLY thinking about it, I’m having some reservations and hesitations. 

    So I will leave it up to powers outside of me (you anonymous Tumblr followers and my real-life friends) to help me make my final decision. 

    Here is my pros and cons list: 

    Pros: 

    • He crosses off four things off my To-Do List….yes, FOUR: young, brown, virgin, and Muslim. 
    • Yes, he’s a Muslim..while that may be a deal-breaker for many ignorant assholes, it’s a plus for me. I don’t know many Muslims and I’m curious about them. First-hand dick-in-yo-face is as close to an experience as you can get, no? 
    • He’s adorable. 
    • Um… deviriginizing someone is like, one of the top things on my Bucket List. Not only that, it’s a huge turn-on…young, inexperienced, and very horny. Mmmmm…God that makes me sound so bad.. YES I REALIZE THIS!
    • It’s a good story to tell. In case you didn’t notice, a lot of the things I decide to do usually make for a good story.

    Cons: 

    • He seems like a nice, sweet, young man. I don’t know if I want ….someone like me to be his first. What if he regrets it later and thinks “I let some old Asian whore take my virginity?” and his future wife rejects or scorns him? 
    • I don’t want to give him any diseases….not like I’m teeming with AIDS, but I’ve had a new dick in me since the last time I got tested. I don’t want his first experience to also include “and then the old Asian whore gave me chlamydia” (which, btw, if you had to have any STD, that’s probably the most desirable…awful thought, I know). 
    • Piggybacking on the last point, I think any guy’s first time should be without condoms. Condoms suck… like so badly…it’s like being at a party that has no booze. I’m not one to care if a guy cums really quickly and a condom usually helps in desensitizing… but it’d be sad if his first time had to be with a condom. 

    So not a very long list of either pros and cons. I mainly made a cons list so you all know that I do have a conscience and I think about these things. 

    All that said, what do you think? Should I or shouldn’t I?

     

  8. brieetlejuice:

    skyl0rd:

    Let’s do yoga sometime.

    IM DONE

    Um… I didn’t even notice she was sucking his dingaling until 30 seconds later cuz that guy is… Yum.

    (Source: prettyporngifs, via leeroyjenkz88)

     


  9. merlinwhosuperpotterlock:

    "i can’t eat that, i’ll get fat"

    image

    "i can’t sleep in late today i have to do work"

    image

    "no i can’t watch a whole season in one go that’s lazy"

    image

    "i can’t-"

    image

    Today I didn’t get up til 11:30 and stayed in bed watching the world Cup of basketball and Bar Rescue til 5:30 only pausing to go pee twice and give a blowie… Then I ate a double bacon cheeseburger, fries and a beer at this bombass burger place I ain’t ever heard of all while skipping the gym and my second leg day.

    Treat yo self.

    (via lacigreen)

     


  10. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.
    — The greatest compliment I can give someone or that someone can give to me.