I started bjj 8 months ago…and it took 8 months for a dude from my school to holler at me. I’m not trying to be conceited by saying it took that long.. actually yes I am. I thought it would have been sooner considering the typical bjj dude probably likes fit girls and a lot of them like Asian girls (cuz non-Asian guys who are into martial arts typically are into the Asian culture, lame-os). Annnnnnnyways, the dude in question is black..and around my age…and probably would be a good catch to the average girl…He hit me up on facebook messenger and I could tell he was trying to feel around for finding out what kind of girl I am. Then he asked when we were gonna go out or if I wanted to go ‘out dancing’ (wtf…)…then I thought to myself, “if i were interested in a guy my age who I was thinking would be boyfriend material, I would want to know now if something were wrong with him and it would be a waste of time to pursue him.” So, being the pragmatic, considerate person I am, I told him “I guess I should warn you about me.” And he’s like “warn me about what?” And I’m like, “I don’t know. I was told that I should warn dudes about myself, so here’s my warning to you.”
Then I really got to thinking, yes… I feel like I should warn guys before they think they want to be involved with me. Before I got knocked off my own pedestal (thank you ‘boyfriend’ #5….I needed that), I used to warn guys with the following “You’re going to fall in love with me…” or something ridiculously conceited like that. (Granted, in many cases, it turned out to be true…so blah).
But nowadays, I’m thinking the warning is not so complimentary of me….and considering I didn’t know how to tell the dude exactly what I’m warning him about, I will try and figure it out while writing this entry. Yes, lucky readers…you get to be involved in my thought processing.
- Warning #1: You might have found me through my Instagram…or you think you want to ‘holler’ at me because I was scantily clad that one night at the bar…or you misconstrued the fact that because I talk about sex a lot and am overt in my sexuality that I am going to blow you just cuz you have a dong. Yes, I have the markings of being an easy lay. HOWEVER, (unless you’re on my to-do list), I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU. Don’t be the typical idiotic, unthinking man who thinks that because I look/act like the way I do, that I will bone you. I don’t know if this is a warning per se… it should be a common sense thing….
- Warning #2:If, however, you are the kind of guy I DO want to have sex with and we do ‘get together,’ I will be very very persuasive in getting you to fuck me without a condom. And in most cases, I am successful. **sidenote: It’s astounding how many men are willing to have unprotected sex with you EVEN when you give them this warning and the details of this warning. ASTOUNDING…but then, maybe we overblow the seriousness of STDs and threat of pregnancy. Either way, I hate condom sex and am adverse to taking hormonal birth control. USE A CONDOM. DON’T LET ME TALK YOU OUT OF NOT USING ONE because apparently, I am very fertile…and active….This warning makes me seem crazy and dangerous…but that’s why it’s a warning. Duh.
- Warning #3: Okay…here’s the thing. While I might have ‘commitment issues,’ I do not have issues showing my affections. And if I bone you, it’s because I genuinely like you. And when I genuinely like you, it’ll seem like I like ONLY you…alas, that is not the case. Unless we both agreed on being exclusive then there will always be… others. Always. (Which is another good reason why you should heed warning #2).
- Warning #4: I can get REEEEEEEEALLY annoying when I’m drunk. And I’m drunk almost all the time. SO you do the math on how much you’ll want to punch me at any given time we are together.
- Warning #5: Stemming from Warning #1… in case you thought I would be very freaky or kinky because of my immense interest in sex, I’m not particularly freaky or kinky. In fact, I’m pretty vanilla. So sorry to burst your bubble if you thought I was going to go ass to mouth with you…or give you a rim job.. or even let you rim me. Obviously there is an ass theme here…so if I think ass play is kinky, imagine all the other kinky things I WON’T do.
Okay…` I don’t want to cock-block myself…and these warnings are making me look kinda psycho and conceited and gross. But if you are thinking about wanting to ‘be’ with me in whatever shape or form, heed the warnings…..or at least know what you’re getting into.