The other day, I was hanging out with a real potential SD (he’s very hot, funny, alpha, etc)…. and we were back and forth bantering and being smartasses to each other….and he suddenly asks me: “why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
I get asked that often… it’s the opposite of the sentiment above. Often times when a dude is trying to ‘holler’ at me, he’ll try to compliment me by saying: “I bet you already have a boyfriend…how can you not?” Women also ask me the same thing though they are more puzzled by the fact that I just don’t want one.
First, I have to ask, why the FUCK do people automatically assume a girl wants a boyfriend or is seeking a boyfriend? It’s the same assumption that all women want to be married…and when they claim that they don’t, it’s then automatically assumed that something bad happened to the woman or she is in denial of wanting to be single or that she hasn’t met the right guy yet. Fuck that… I am 100% sure I do not want a serious, monogamous relationship. And here are my counterpoints to said annoying assumptions (like people have actually said these to me):
- "Did something happen in your past relationships" or the ever popular "Are you afraid of being hurt?" Ew, no. In my personal situation, nothing traumatizing happened to me in past relationships. I think I am very good at picking good men…I can easily tell a rotten apple from a good one. It’s a skill every woman should learn. Every man I’ve considered a boyfriend has been a stand-up, respectful, GOOD man.. None of them hurt me, I’ve never had my ‘heart broken.’ There is NO reason why I do not want a boyfriend, other than I don’t want one. Plain and simple.
- "You are in denial." I hate this one in particular because it assumes that I haven’t lent any thought to what I proclaim or that I don’t know what I want. Fuck you. I’m not one of those people that talks just to hear my own voice. The things I believe in are things that I really reflected upon, considered each side, tore apart mentally and came to a conclusion (that is always open to changing). This (and not getting married) is something I’ve thought LONG and HARD (mmm..long and hard) about and it’s one of the surest decisions I have made.
- "You haven’t met the right man yet." Refer to point #1. I know a good man when I see one. I will admit, though, that this might be the most plausible reason why I don’t have a boyfriend…but it’s only like 20% plausible. It is true that I can’t find a man that blows my socks off to where I’m like "goddamn I gotta boyfriend you"…then again, I’m not really looking for one…duh. You can’t find something you’re not looking for. Man, that’s deep Iroar. *pats self on back*
Now let’s explore some of the reasons why I don’t want a boyfriend:
- The main reason why I don’t want one is because I don’t have any plans of getting married. This is where the whole “maybe you haven’t met the right guy yet” comes into play. That thought assumes that one day, suddenly, a man will come into my life and I’ll be like “wow…that’s him, right there.” Gross. I am not so clueless that I will be startled by such an awesome man that I’ll suddenly want to get married…that’s like along the same lines as believing in “the one,” an idea that makes me want to vomit. If you enter into a serious relationship, especially at my age with someone around your age, the question of marriage or very long-term partnership will eventually arise…it’s inevitable. I don’t want that even in the equation so I’m not going to enter into anything that brings it up. So, no desire for marriage = no desire for serious boyfriend.
- Relationships are stifling - I gave this reason to my SD…and he said “well, a good relationship isn’t supposed to be stifling.” That is true, oh wise SD… Perhaps I used the wrong word… but admit it…a serious relationship is time-consuming, limiting, and you HAVE to sacrifice and compromise some parts of yourself for the other person… these HAVE to happen in order for a relationship to be healthy. I HATE the feeling of being….limited in my choices. And I will admit, this might have to do with my relationship with boyfriend #3. Out of all my previous dudes, he was probably the most intriguing but also the MOST annoying and crazy. I felt very stifled and made too many compromises/sacrifices (even though they were all worth it…it was only 2.5 years long and I left when I had enough)… I never want to have that feeling again. And sure enough, I haven’t had a ‘serious’ relationship since then. You might call it me ‘being hurt.’ I call it a ‘learning experience and realization of what I DON’T want’ (at least right now.)
- Aaaaand the obvious: I like boning different dudes: As you may know, I try and get to know people that will offer me new insights…men and women both (or if the man is really really good-looking). It just so happens, men have dicks that can pleasure me and I like dicks and there are just so many different kinds available out there that I want to experience. When one has no limits on age, race, origin, religion etc etc of a dude, it means there is a HUGE world of dicks out there…and I am just one woman with a very short time on earth. I want to experience everything. While I do not believe in one-night-stands, I also believe in short-term monogamy… put those together and I ain’t got the tiiiiiiiiiime for very long term relationships. At the moment, my ideal ‘relationship’ is only a year long….that’s about how long I can be monogamous for. Tried, tested and true.
So there you have it. The thing is, I know if I did want a boyfriend or husband, I could be an awesome girlfriend/wife. Relationships are my forte…I think that is why people have been puzzled by the fact that I don’t have one. I don’t have a boyfriend because I DON’T WANT ONE. Get it through your head…..
I’m sure there are many girls out there who have the same views and experience. For you bitches (who also fit the many stringent requirements), I offer a membership to the Spinster Club. It’s the best. <3